


Who You Don’t Know

by bagelistrying



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, Michael isn’t in the bathroom, Not Alone, Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety, Someone Else Is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:14:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26106280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bagelistrying/pseuds/bagelistrying
Summary: At Jake’s party, Glenn locks herself in the bathroom, completely overwhelmed and panicking. She tries to hold herself together, but isn’t ready to leave, scared of the whirlwind outside. Hiding her tears, she is forced out of the bathroom by someone else, also concealing the same pain.
Kudos: 2





	Who You Don’t Know

As the bathroom door closed behind her, Glenn exhaled, pressing her back against it. The aggressive music from outside, the bass thumping in her chest, was muffled. Multicolored lights spilled under the door, along with drinks and confetti. She turned the small lock on the handle, grasping it with trembling fingers. She sat down on the edge of the bathtub, clinging to the edge. She tried to hold down her knee as it bounced uncontrollably on the cold tile, clicking as her heel pulled at the liquor stuck to the floor. She leaned her head to the side, and rested against the cream colored hand towel. She stared off at the other side of the bathroom, flooded with the blinding light from above the mirror.  


She was completely alone at the party, with no clue why she was even there. Why did it matter that everyone else was coming? She didn’t know anybody, and now she was trapped in a dark, loud, room filled with people who wanted to talk to her, grab her, judge her, yell her name from across the room, and pull her out of the one brightly lit haven she was confined to. She kept glancing at the door, but didn’t want to leave. Sometime soon, the handle would rattle, someone would knock, and she would have to yell, “Just a minute!” They would knock harder, shout something, the walls would cave in, she would be taken by the awful, clanging, suffocating monster in the ear splitting darkness outside. Her breath shook as she tried to steady herself, slowly pushing herself off the edge of the bathtub. She dragged her hand across to her opposite elbow, away from the handle, as if to keep her own limbs from betraying her. 

Glenn walked up to the sink, grasping the counter and leaning over at her reflection. Everyone outside knew. They were thinking, “Oh, god, Glenn’s freaking out again. What a loser, can’t hold herself together, acts like a four year old, and she’s got no friends? Shocking!” She mouthed the words to herself as a sob tugged at her lips and tears stung in her eyes. She tilted her head back, trying to get over herself. The lights were blurring into bright, messy brushstrokes as tears began to well up. Turning on the sink with a trembling hand, she splashed some water in her face, the ice cold spray dripping down her hot, reddened face and running off her chin.  


Glenn took another shivering breath in and tried to reach for the door, only to drag herself away, turning on her heel as her torn, bitten nails dug into her palms. Her fingers climbed over each other as she paced back and forth, broken apart only to claw through her hair or at the cold tears she couldn’t wipe from her face. Each beat from outside felt like the knock of someone coming to get her, as the walls began to close in, screaming echoing in her head, not wanting to have to leave the pocket of light. Her back slammed against the wall as she crumpled to the floor, the butterflies in her stomach having evolved into monsters that twisted and turned inside her, her hands pressing the top of her dress to her mouth as she sobbed uncontrollably, mascara painting the tears onto her flushed cheeks.  Maybe once she left, if she drank quick enough, she could black out and never have to remember this hell of a night again.  


Then it came. Somebody knocked. Standing up faster than she thought she could, she shouted, “Hold on!” She tried to keep her voice from quivering as she clawed at the makeup stains on her face. Her eyeliner bled and lipstick was smudged like a bloodstain across her mouth from when she tried, in vain, to muffle her sobs. She pinned her eyes to the floor and opened the bathroom door, the flashing lights and thumping bass overtaking her senses as she tried not to fall apart. She glanced up for a moment at the monster who forced her out of her only safe space in the battle zone, tearing her eyes away from a boy her age with ruffled ebony hair and glasses. She shouldered past him, her exposed arm brushing his beaten up hoodie as she faced the rest of her nightmare.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Michael in the bathroom is such a gorgeous representation of a panic attack. The lyrics are so relatable they hurt, and I wanted to pay tribute to that with this work. Though it can seem like everyone else has it together, we all have some kind of facade we put up. You don’t have to fight alone :)


End file.
